Late-Night Fate
My best thoughts come to me at night
when darkness has tucked the trees
into the distance and my belly roars for something
quick to eat from the fridge I never stock.
I have settled into a wreck where living
is the last thing possible. If I could love this life
I might know how to live alone. As it is, living
is the farthest thing from my mind. Why do I come
home anymore? Why do I inhabit a square foot
of space not fit for a houseplant?
I want to be the prince of sound in a land of seasons.
If I die no one will find my body for a month.
Something in me gives. I need
what only I can bestow upon the world, something
I may never discover. As a towering man, I know
how to fall. Height has its reasons,
as does weight for a fat man greasing a pole.
The medicine that keeps me sane
does not keep me safe. I reach a point beyond myself,
A place I can never come back from.
Time is torment. I cope with heartache
like a glutton eating a meal, his plate his fortune,
a tournament of flavors he feels compelled to finish.
I come to the agate eye of my fate, the squirrel brain
of my unrest. No doctor can tell me why I do this.
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